Sunday, July 15, 2007

Dad

I miss my dad. He was the glue that held us together. As the only male in a house with four other women, he kept us sane and rational. When we would share our issues with him, he wouldn't tell us what we wanted to hear, he told us what we needed to hear.

I sold two dressers today. They were the a portion of the first bedroom set my parents ever purchased together. My memory is a bit fuzzy, but I think they purchased it when I was about five years old. It was a lovely set but admittedly a little beat up over the years of transfers. My parents gave it to me when I was a junior in college. It was moved from my parents house to my college apartment, then on to my next apartment that I shared with my husband before we were married (yes, we lived in sin). Then it was moved to our first home and it came with us to our second home where we presently live. I told my mother that I got $100 for them and she informed me that she deserves a portion of that money. It was only a breath after she spoke those words when I once again felt that pang of loss. Dad would have said, "Good for you!" or "You should have asked more!" Granted, my parents made sure we never wanted for anything. They provided the safety and security they lacked in their own upbringing. There were times when both of them lived not knowing if they were going to eat.

My parents didn't pay for my college education--I'm still doing that through many school loans, but they did slip me money for groceries every time I came home. My dad bought me a car to get to the three jobs I worked the summer after my senior year of high school but then he sold it. He bought me another car the following summer and when I sold it and purchased a newer more dependable car, he let me use the money from the sale to purchase the new one and co-signed for the loan. I loved that little green Mustang. When I started my teaching internship there was no way I was going to be able to afford my apartment, my living expenses, and my car payment for five months with minimal income. My dad offered to support me. I sold my precious Ford that I was still making payments on and purchased another car that I could pay cash for with the money I made from the sale. I wasn't asked to, I just didn't feel right about my parents making my car payment.

Mom and Dad didn't pay for my entire wedding, as did the parents of most of my friends, but they did pay for a dinner for almost three hundred guests. When I asked to borrow money for the down payment for the new house, I called Dad at his work and he told me that he couldn't GIVE me the money but he would LOAN it to me because it was "the right thing to do." He wanted to be able to do that for his children because his parents never would or could for that matter. It was a loan and we paid him back within a month or two. He did the same thing for my younger sister a short time thereafter. I was raised never to expect money or hand outs from my parents but sometimes they offered to do the kindest things because they loved me and supported me. However, I realize now that most of those actions, if not all, were spearheaded by Dad. He certainly loved his girls and he wanted nothing better than to make sure we were taken care of as long as we were strong enough to take care of ourselves. Unfortunately, as much as he pushed his daughters to be as independent as possible, he didn't do the same for my mother. Dad passed away in December, but Mom has enough money from his retirement, life insurance, social security, etc. to pay off the house, pay off her car, and to live off of for awhile. She is set. So for her to tell me that half that money is hers just boggles my mind. I have over $40,000 in student loan debt that I will be paying off forever. I don't complain about it to her. I never have, but I did mention it after she made a comment about the $100. She needed to hear that. I just won't discuss money issues with her anymore. Lesson learned.